What do ya know, another change. Another layout. Another style.
Same ol' girl.
Yet, so incredibly different.
Each day seems to bring so much newness.
But somehow stays the same?
I don't know how to keep up. 

This blog has seen so many changes and directions. 

Neglect as of late.  

I think that that's a good thing, though; 

Because it shows my ever evolving life....

and beliefs and desires and priorities and phases.
It's beautiful really.

Growing. 

Learning. 

Hurting. 

Suffering. 

Joy. 

Happiness. 

I don't want to neglect it anymore. I don't want this point in my life to be lost in translation. I feel it in my heart; these few years, this decade of the 20 somethings, will some of the most life shaping times of my life. No, no more neglect.

"I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.
All I need is time,
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between."- Britney Spears. 

I get it now Brit. 

And yes. I did just quote B. Spears.

Let's Talk About Sex Baby

This weekend I'm off to a sex convention.
Well, sorta. I'm volunteering at it.
Yeah, with my church.
BOOM.
You're minds blown right now huh?!
Well good, it should be.

'Romance Uncensored' is a national annual convention put on by my pastor and his wife and it's for married couples to get together for a weekend and talk about, you guessed it, sex.

Whether or not that word, that term, that concept, or the act itself makes you uncomfortable is, no offense, kind of irrelevant. We unfortunately don't have a choice. It's everywhere. In our minds, in our DNA, in our desires, in our tv shows, in our books, in our music, in our workplace, in our schools, in our homes, it's even in our freaking foods (aphrodisiacs people).  We can't escape it and the more we are ashamed of it, the more hurt and harm we inevitably cause for ourselves.

I'm a firm believer that if the church would talk about sex more, our reality would be radically different. Now, I'm not talking about the stereotypical kind of talk either...

SEX IS FROM SATAN!!!!!!! 

PREMATRTIAL SEX = STRAIGHT SHOT TO HELL, GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!

WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED, THE MAN IS ONLY ALLOWED ON TOP AND THAT'S IT! EVERYTHING ELSE IS SINNNNN!

.....................

FALSE.

You may think that sounds crazy, but you know it's what most people at some point of their lives have been led to believe. Which is just down right heartbreaking.

I'm so blessed to be apart of a spiritual family that's open, honest, in your face with sex and all it's many colors. For me, it's not only been eye opening, but more life changing than anything.

In honor of sextember, I'm going to share a few of my all time favorite videos about the topic: 

PS... Some exciting stuff is in the works for this ol' bloggy of mine. FINALLY!
Stay tuned for the new(ish) direction and some actual blogging all coming your way sometime next week. Happy Weekending you beautiful people!

religion on a board

I walked out of class around 11am this morning and as I did, I noticed this large board right smack dab in front of the union. Which, of course, is right in the middle of campus. As I walked closer, I couldn't help but stare. I've seen some seriously amazing things go on in the middle of campus, but I have to say... this is my favorite. 

I watched for probably 10 minutes before I decided to write something. Then, I wrote a few things. I was shaking the entire time. I walked up with the pen and then stepped back nearly 20 times. How could I put into words all I wanted the say? What could I possibly write something that would even come close to all the emotions I was feeling? I prayed and trembled and just wrote. I tried to think from the heart of a nonbeliever, and someone just searching for answers and for hope; someone searching for love.

I have to say, I was absolutely breath taken by some of the words people used and deeply saddened by others. Yet, throughout the whole thing it was so amazingly beautiful to see how many people responded and wanted to not only write but also to talk to one another. This sign hadn't even been up for two hours and by the time I left, the board was nearly twice as full as these pictures show.

 

My favorite. 

The longer I live & the more I learn about the world, the more I realize how littler I know. Everyone seems to think they have all the answers to the world's problems. But I know nothing really EXCEPT one thing. That the Almighty God, Creator of the universe is real. He is good. He is just. He is perfect. And he actually loves me. I don't understand it, but it set me FREE.

I'm still praying over the board and it's impact on each set of eyes that fall upon it.

Quote of the Day

Find people who love you unconditionally, surround yourself with them, and bring them the same level of intensity. - SEAN STEPHENSON

Great Expectations

Lately, I've been dealing a lot with expectations of people; what I think they should be doing, saying, acting, etc. I expect them to do certain things and act a certain way {typically towards me} and when they don't I get extremely bothered by it. To the point of turning my frustration into harsh words and ill feelings towards said person and then voicing those feelings of anger to someone else which just stirs up the fire in my heart even more.

They should be doing this for me. They should talking like this to me. Why aren't they doing this for me, I would do it for them? I wish they would see this is what I want them to do and just do it. If they were a better friend they would do this for me instead. I did this for them before, why aren't they doing it for me now?

How incredibly selfish is that? How so openly ugly can someone be? Yet, I know I'm not alone and these thoughts are probably shared by all those reading today. ((If you never do this to people, congrats. Email me your tricks of trade)) But for the rest of us, these are true emotions we face daily, despite how much we don't want them to be apart of us.

Then, I got a nice little awakening this Sunday at church, where all my revelations seem to be happening lately //more on that later// YAY! go God. 

Anyway.. back to my awakening. OK, are you ready? You should probably set down for this... 

Here goes....

Friends, when we start to get disappointed in others because we had expectations of them and they let us down, I imagine this is just a tinniest of tiny example of what God feels when we don't do for Him all that we should. When we aren't good friends and children to Him.

BOOM. ROASTED. 

 I can just imagine God thinking, "I gave MY ONLY SON for you. My Son, who was perfect in every way shape and form, And you can't even pray to Me? You can't even take time out of your day to read My word. Even worse... You. Are. Ashamed of Me. Ashamed to speak my presence."
Man, talk about feeling like the worst person ever, right?

John 3:16  “For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

After wanting to curl up in a corner and cry my eyes out in such shame.. God spoke again and said,

"But I love you anyway. I love you more than you could possibly imagine, and you are Mine."

Holy smokes. Talk about an eye opener. And a feeling of hope and love all at the same time. Friends, we must not hold each other to such great expectations. We must be patient with one another and cherish the good things we DO HAVE and DO RECEIVE. We must forgive and love as God does for us all the time. The next time you begin to get angry or discouraged at something someone did or didn't do for you, take a step back, pray, and let it go. Your rewards for doing this my friends will be greater than you can possibly imagine! Watch your life begin to fill up with peace, love, and happiness! 

Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses."

Romans 13:8  "Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law."

Proverbs 17:17  "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

All my love.

The say only the good die young.

Today completely shook me up one side and down the other. Church moved me into new depths, a new chapter in my relationship with Christ. I left feeling like a completely new person and ready to deal with certain issues that have been plaguing me lately. Then, the second I got home... I got the news. One of my dearest childhood friends, Coty Morrison, was killed in a four-wheeler accident just hours before. He was with his dad, doing an activity that they had done a thousand times before.

I couldn't believe it... I still can't. I hadn't talked to Coty in years, I'm not going to be one of those people that seek attention in a time like this. However, as I sat there in shock, I realized I couldn't think of a childhood memory that didn't have him in it. How had it been so long since we'd talked? Had life really been that important to not drop him a message on facebook, just telling him I was thinking about him? What is wrong with letting people know you are there and that you still care?

Coty and I grew up together and were always dear friends up until high school when our lives took different paths. However, we always remained close acquaintances. I remember in elementary school he would always ask to play with my hair because it was as long as my knees. Or in 6th grade he stood up for me when I was bullied for being the tallest girl in my grade. Now, I'm not sure what things were like in your high school, but in a small town like ours those memories are ones you don't just forget about; they stick with you.

I started crying just thinking of the hardships that lie ahead for both his family and friends... I wish I could be there and just hold them and reassure them that even though it will take time,  they will be able to feel again. Yet, all the while knowing that this day, would shape and change their lives forever. Nothing will ever be the same.

Why am I telling you this story? Because I think sometimes we all need a reminder of what's really important in life. Yes, we hear all the time "cherish each day", "live life to the fullest", "each breath is a blessing".... but let's be real. You hear it, you embarce it, then it's gone and you are back to your 'going-through-the-motions-routine'. Hopefully this can wake someone up out there that is stuck in the daily motions of life. People, we are not promised anything but this present moment. Do you think Coty thought that he would die this morning? Do you think he woke up and thought, "well I might die riding these things but I'm gonna do it anyway." No, of course not. We have no idea what the future holds. We have no idea when our time is up. Quit hurting those around you. Stop letting the littlest things drag you down. Stop, look, and listen to that still small voice inside you. Take the time to reach out to someone, at least one person, each and every day. HUG, KISS, LOVE those that mean the most to you. Because you never know when that hug, that kiss.. will be your last. If you are in a fight with someone, or have ill feelings towards them, and they died today... would you be able to live with yourself knowing how you've treated them? Don't think death is going to happen to you? Think again. Coming from someone who has been to enough funerals in my 21 years of life.
Stop harming, start loving, begin caring. Let go of the petty and embrace the meaningful. You will have a much more fulfilling life if you do.

And I leave you with one question... If you were to die today, would the life you leave behind for those around you, be enough?
Something to think about.

All my love, thoughts, and prayers.

He who has faith..

He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly.
B. C. Forbes

You must believe you will prevail. 

You must have faith you will succeed.  

You must believe all will be well.

If I die young: The story of the man who saved my life

In the fall of 2005, I began my freshman year of high school. Scared and nervous, I had no idea that the upcoming year would change my life forever; Had I known that I would fall in love, true, true love only to lose him in a fatal car accident 6 months later... I would still do it all the same.

JD Ervin was a junior when I was just a wee little freshmen. Of course, I knew exactly who he was before he knew who I was. At 6'4" 230 pounds of solid muscle, he was a hard fella to miss :) Plus the fact that he was one of the most popular guys in school, captain of the football team, and extremely good looking also had something to do with it.

I met JD for the first time at a JV football game, right after I had finished my softball game. I was a freshmen, starting on varsity so I was feeling pretty darn good about life. We had just beat a team ranked higher than us so it was a pretty big deal, ha. I went to the football game directly after, still in uniform, head held high, and everything. JD was sitting with some people that I knew so I went and talked to them, not thinking much of it. When I started telling said friends about the game, JD chimed in with his big ol' grin and said, "so wait... you won right?!" I shakily/giddily replied with, "YEAH WE DID!" He then proceeded to give me a high five and a congratualtions. I literally about pee'd my pants from excitement {HE TALKED TO ME!} and swore to never wash my hand again. For the next few months we randomly started chatting in the hallways *hi, hey* what's up*... You know, high school lingo and also on xanga ((anyone remember that?!)). Then one day he gave me his number saying we should hang out sometime. Holy bananas. I was ecstatic. I will never forget talking to my mum saying, "so... should I text him?!" she said, "Why not? What do you have to lose..."
The rest is history! We ended up talking all the time after that, hanging out, making out {yeeeah buddy} and then after a few weeks (which of course in high school time is like 947569587 years) we became an official couple.

We quickly fell madly in love. Not just the typical high school puppy dog love. I mean the real deal, his and her, never part, need each other kind of love. The kind that makes you a better person. The kind that constantly supports you in all you do in life. The kind were nothing else matters except making that person happy for the rest of your life and giving them the world, no matter what the cost. The kind where neither person loves the other more, just simply equal amounts of unconditional love. When I would travel to my mums house for the weekends (divorced parents) he began traveling with me and staying the weekend with my family there because we couldn't stand to be apart for more than a day. He was literally everywhere I was, and I with him. We began talking about the future and making plans for his football career (as he was already getting letters from OU, TU, and OSU to play-- seriously, kid was a beast). He decided that he would play at TU first so he could stay close to me :) Sweet boy. Then, once I graduated we would make a decision on where we wanted to go together.

On the night of April 21st 2005, all those plans we made, all the promises we had said, came to a horrible end. JD and I were out with a big group of our friends, seeing scary movies then driving through the countryside to go see haunted graveyards.. The weird stuff you do in high school that seems so cool at the time. There were so many of us and not many cars, so 8 of us crammed into an Explore Sport SUV, a car that typically sits 5 people. JD and I were in the very back cargo area, sitting horizontal to the direction of the car. We were only going less than 5 minutes up the road... What could go wrong, right? Wrong. On the way to the haunted landing, our driver lost control of the car and we flipped four times, throwing 6 of the 8 of us out of the car, JD and myself included. We each suffered injuries in some way shape or form, mine being a broke pelvis in four different places and a completely shattered left foot. JD suffered severe injuries to his entire body, both internally and externally. Even at his massive size and strength, he was no match for fate.
JD did not pass instantly. We were blessed to have 15 more days with him in a coma before the good Lord called him home on May, 6th 2005.

What most people don't realize is that that night, JD Ervin saved my life. As I said, we were in the very back of the car sitting horizontally with me sitting in between his legs as the car was traveling forward. When JD realized we were going to crash, he wrapped his giant body; arms, legs, head, and all, around me and sheltered me. The detectives said that when we were thrown from the car we were still connected until the impact of the ground separated us. One of JD's injuries was a severed collar bone completely in half. That was from my head hitting his collar bone so hard upon hitting the ground. The detectives said had he not been holding me, there is no way my head and neck could have susatined such force. I am alive because of him. I owe him everything and each day, even if I don't realize it all the time, I am reminded subtly of what a true blessing each breath is.

Why am I telling you this story? Because today, September 19th, JD would have been 24 years old. He would be graduated from college, living his dream somewhere and I would be a proud wifey by his side every step of the way. But, God had a greater plan and He is still using JD to work in me and others each and everyday. I tell his story as a way of honoring him and proving that true love does still exist. I know I am so blessed to have known such a love and will never be able to replace JD's place in my heart. It's been 6 years now since he's been gone. Somedays it's a lifetime ago and others it feels as though it happened but a few weeks ago. I cannot wait to see that giant grin again and feel those big arms around me. He's my angel and I know that he is always with me, just as he always was here on earth.

I love you baby, happy birthday! Don't get too wild up there in heaven. Well, at least until I get there anyway :) Miss you and love you always.
-Your babygirl
John 15:13

If you're a bird, I'm a bird

"No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings."
-William Blake

Soar with your own wings today my loves. 

Not with those of others. 

For yours are far too beautiful to be conformed. 

Dylan Bundy; A name to know!

Remember my best friend, Bobby that I've mentioned a few times? Sure you do! We talked about him here and here. Well, this guy's got a little brother and his name is Dylan. Dylan Bundy. If you don't know the name now, Google him. He's kind-of-a-big-deal. And when I say kinda, I mean A LEGIT BIG DEAL. Why is he such a big deal? 
Well to me for many reasons, but to the general public he is a big deal because not only is he a genuine great human being; he is also an 18 year old baseball player that has won two state championships, set unheard-of records, was the 4th OVERALL DRAFT PICK this year, and oh.. he just happens to throw a baseball over 100mph. Now for those of you that don't know much about baseball, that's insane. Not just insane for a high school kid, but insanely fast for a PRO BASEBALL PLAYER.

So, restating my first point... He's kind of a big deal. 

Dylan and I after both of his state championship games a few years ago.

I've watched Dylan grow since he was very mischievous 10 year old, trying to come and play with me and Bobby outside, teasing me about all my awkwardness. It's hard to imagine him any other way. Now, he just won the Gatorade Athlete of the Year and will be on the ESPY awards (the Oscars for the sports world) TONIGHT! Go watch and getcha some Bundy love why don'tcha.  

I could not be happier for him or his family. They have all worked so hard and sacrificed so much. I cannot even begin to describe how much love I have for them and how proud I am of both Bobby and Dylan! They're exceptional athletes and even greater people. We could learn a thing or two from all their hard work :)

Anything is possible if you believe, work, and strive hard enough!!!

have you been grateful lately?

Seriuosly.

Have you?

When was the last time you told someone thank you and seriously meant it?

When was the last time you were thankful for someone in your life?

(love)

"Friends and good manners will carry you where money won't go."

Margaret Walker

why i have haven't been blogging lately... plus a quote. of course.

Hey everyone,

Most of you have noticed my lack of blogging the past.. errr 5 months; the last couple months especially. I made some really amazing connections in this little blogger world and I feel as though I have abandoned those connections. For that, I truly apologize. I have not forgotten you though and I promise, once I get back to the states with constant internet use, summer break, and there's not a "departure date" loaming ahead of me, I fully intend to rekindle those connections! I have been so busy living up every second of my time in Ausrtalia, but I promise you guys are still on my mind.

2 weeks left in Australia guys... TWO WEEKS. I can't believe it. Where have the last 5 months gone?

this is my WTH face...

Quote of the day:

"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely." -Pam Brown

My first kiss went a little like this...

.... Or at least, I wish it did :)

Isn't this just the cutest thing you've ever seen? 

how great Thou art

After my friend, Nicole, posted this to her Facebook, I couldn't help but pass it along. This performance by Carrie Underwood not only gives me chills all over but literally makes me tear up. I can't even imagine having that kind of a voice. And I truly feel, regardless of your beliefs about the song, that her performance is nothing short of amazing and every religion can respect that.

Anytime I start feeling a little low, I just want to turn this on and blare it through the speakers.

Happy Tuesday/Wednesday!

Inspiration Station: A Seed of Thought

About a month ago, I had the wonderful privilege to meet Alex Petrou and Lamar Ahchee. These could quite possibly be some of the most generous men I know to date. They are two co-founders of the amazing Agency called Seed Of Thought.

 

In their own words,

“Seed of Thought is a dynamic and professional Corporate Social Responsibility Agency, that specializes in community based projects which address social justice, economic growth and environmental sustainability.
Our mission is to create innovative solutions that enhance both the reputation and integrity of our clients while captivating the hearts and minds of the wider community.”

Seed of thought strives to promote charity events and projects that help aid those in need.

Find projects here. 

Alex just finished a beyond exhausting 3 day 96K trek through the Kodoka Trail; A hike that typically would take 10+ days even for the best of athletes. He and fellow founder Dion did this to help raise money for three young girls with brain tumors. Find their story here.

"In April 2011 join Alex Petrou from the Seed of Thought Group and Dion Taylor of Wild Spirit Adventures in their quest to complete one of the most difficult treks in the world – The Kokoda trail, 96 kilometres of harsh mountainous terrain in just 3 days. Their goal is to rally the community of North Queensland together to raise vital funds for Brain tumour victims Evie, Saffron and Kim, so they can receive the treatment they require to overcome their respective conditions and live on to inspire others around them."

If he can selflessly complete the challenge of a lifetime to help three girls' fight for survival; and both of these men can dedicate their lives for the greater good of man.... I think we could help out too! Don't you?! :) Please continue to spread the word of Seed of Thought as they have many, MANY big and exciting projects ahead. Also, if you would like to donate a dollar or two for the girls with brain tumors, GO HERE! 

I hope you guys can take the time to read about these great guys and their amazing goals for the future! With just the short time I've known them, they've inspired me to do so much better... To BE so much better! Good luck guys on all your future endeavors!

Happy Place...

... today, I'm going to go there. 

In my heart, mind, body, and soul... 

I'm going to go there. 

Join me, won't you?

Where is your happy place?

Let yo freak flag fly!

I mean really, why not?! 

Predictable? No way. Sorry Charlie!

-Wear that piece of clothing you have always been really hesitant to try out. 

-Throw that extra seasoning into one of your favorite dishes to spice things up a bit.

-Try that "thing" you've always wanted to try but never felt like you could. 

-Wear tight leopard pants,  red feathers in your hair, and more glitter than you could ever imagine :) 

-Be someone that you would want to be around!

You have got to live a little! Life is so boring otherwise... 

Have a great, crazy, fun filled weekend my loves! I miss you all. 

MWUAH*

I AM

Think about it. 

Sometimes, we all really should just bite our tongues.

Because even if you don't mean to... You could really hurt someone. 

Watch what you say and be careful for what you do. 

Even when you are just complaining about something that may seem silly or minimal to you......

It could truly break someone's heart.

Some of the truest words ever spoken... Thanks Thumper.

what do you believe?

Believe in the world.

Believe in others. 

Believe in yourself.