Sunday, January 13, 2013

The 2012 Overview.

I'm back from Fall break.
Back to reality.

Such a crazy time break was.
Both beautiful and sad all in it's own way.
Kind of like the 2012 year.

I'm working on not rambling so much (HA!- right.) so I'll cut straight to the goods.

Gonna get real raw here.

Clearly, this past year, 2012, wasn't my biggest blogging year.
I'd like to say that will change.
But, it's hard to tell.

I feel I have so much to say.
So much I want to remember and document.
But, I have trouble just putting it into words.
Much less proper punctuation and spelling. 

And I feel a lot of blogging is posing.
I hate posing.
I pose too much. {{Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.}} 

Oh, and Netflix also happened. 

You saucy minx, you. 

You brought me so much emotion. 

So much feeling.
So much growing.
So much learning.

So much pain.
So much pleasure. 

Yet, somehow still such a blank slate. 

I rededicated my life to Christ.
I was baptized.

Yet, I still struggle with my walk with Him daily.
Not because He isn't enough. 
But because I don't trust Him enough. 

In 2013,
I want my faith to become stronger than my flesh. 


I admitted my eating disorder.
I recovered.
I relapsed.
Multiple times.

I was single.
I was alone.
I was rarely lonely. 

I lost myself.
I found myself.
Only to lose myself again.
Rinse, repeat.

I still missed Australia.


I slowly am finding out who I want to be through the guidance of a mentor. 
and in the words of an accountability partner. 

I've realized the deep value in the friendships I have.

I questioned many of them.
I questioned if they really love me.
I questioned if I really love them.
I questioned their role in my life and my role in theirs. 
I questioned how we interact and what I bring to the relationship.

I tried to evaluate what I can do better.
I tried to evaluate what I should give more of, but
also what I should give less of.

So many beautiful souls bring so much to my life.
I am truly blessed by their presence.
Much more than I deserve. 

In 2013,
I want to bring the same to theirs.


I realized more hurt lies within my family than I care to mention.
I realized this no longer makes me naive, or a child.
I realized this means I'm growing up.
I realized I would give anything to go back to not believing in pain or
that real life problems actually exist. 

Mumford & Sons was my saving grace.

I still haven't graduated.

I changed my entire life plan of dietetics. 

I've now bought more Taylor Swift songs on iTunes than I care to admit.

I moved.


I still love Marilyn Monroe.

And Tim Tebow.

The more I learned, the more I realized I know nothing at all.

Then, there's 2013.....
You're going to be a big one. 

I will:
Graduate from college.
Apply to nursing school.
God willing, start nursing school.
Be in 3 weddings.
{{Best friend, cousin, sister; 2 of which, I'm MOH and the third, a bridesmaid}}
Moving..... Ahhhgain.
And of course, all the unknown.


Let's see whatcha got.


Shay said...

This really has been a crazy year for you. I think its great you have rededicated yourself to God. I am sure this year will be much better!

Valerie said...

your ability to reflect on the past year and recognize the growth, the changes, the good, and the bad is so wonderful. i have a feeling that 2013 is going to be extremely good to you, my friend.

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