Alright friends, get ready... Here comes the big subject: Relationships. {Bahahaha}. Oh Sorry, serious post. ((tip before reading, think "Carrie Bradshaw and dating column))
K, go--->
Last night while catching up with an old friend, we somehow got on the topic of relationships (he and his EX were "over". That's how, I think). He confessed he has issues being alone because he's always had a significant other for the past 7(ish) years.
Just be patient, I told him (I think that's the hardest part). I told him he needs to take care of himself for a change.
After all, we don't always have to have someone, right? He agreed.... To an extent. He said:
We should always be searching for that special person because we don't get many opportunities in life.
WOAH! This comment threw me, and as we continued the conversation he pointed out many times in my life where I could have missed out on "THE ONE" (dumm dumm dumm). He said,
It doesn't matter what people say or do, if they are single... They are always searching whether they want to admit it or not.
Now I'm dumbfounded. I don't feel like I'm searching. I was just skipping along and doing my thing then here comes along this wise guy and he starts tripping up my trot. When I told him, I wasn't searching for something I wasn't ready for he again just laughed and said, "HA! Ok Sam... Whatever you say."
Friends how do you feel about this situation? Do you feel like he does with his philosophy of we always need to be searching so we don't miss the big opportunity? Or then there's my standpoint; do you feel that everything will fall into place when the time is right rather means being with someone from your past, present, or future. This question isn't closed to married couples either. I know you were single at one time!I genuinely am curious to see how others feel about this.
I feel the sun is a bit like me today. A bit confused about what it's going to do.
I say shine on sun! Unless you're tired. We all deserve some R&R.
14 comments:
I think I agree with your friend. While we may not be ACTIVELY looking at all times, there's always a feeling in the back of your mind that wonders when you'll find the one. And (at least for me) it's always been hard to meet a new someone, even in passing, without wondering if it could be him. I think it's the idea of "the one" that keeps us hooked on subconsciously looking - you just never know when you'll meet him.
I agree with your friend (was there any doubt I would, haha). I don't really see it as searching though. Its not about going and actively looking for the person. I think its just being aware that you could meet that person at any moment and allowing yourself to be open to the possibility. On the topic of not wanting to meet someone until you are ready, I am a firm believer in you are ready for the one when you find the one. I know so many people who always said they never saw themselves getting married and definitely weren't interested in searching it out, and then they met someone that changed it all.
So basically my advice to you friend is keep doing what you are doing. Have fun, date, enjoy being single. Just don't close yourself off to the possibility of something more. You could meet someone that will be life changing and make you rethink the being single thing. :)
clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!
(applicable to both dillon panther football AND living life/looking for love)
:)
This is a tough one. I don't think searching is the right word. Being OPEN to that special person is how I would describe it. If you're constantly looking for "the one", and putting so much focus on it, I think you miss out on other opportunities in other areas of your life.
Like the saying "things happen when you least expect them". I think it's totally true.
I agree with most of the others! Being open is great, and when the right one comes along, you'll be available. However, don't use this as an excuse to put yourself on the chopping block time and again. Guarding your heart as a treasure is not a bad thing. Being open to love, should and when it comes your way, will never hurt!
hm i disagree.
when you are constantly searching and always looking, you are not trusting the Lord to provide the one that He created you for from before you were even a thought in your parents minds!
especially as a girl, you are not to be searching, you are to be pursued.
Tell your friend just because that's his experience doesn't mean he can apply it to everyone. It's bad science. Ha!
Both my husband and I were not interested in getting married or even in being in a relationship when we met. We had full lives and were pretty content.
However, the instant I met him I knew he was something special. He went home and called his mom to tell her he had just met the girl he was going to marry.
So, no, I don't believe everyone is actively looking. But even if you're not you'll just know if and when you meet that person. Then it's up to you to decide whether or not to open your heart up and fall. That was actually the hard part for me. :)
Jenn
I definitely believe that there is a "right" person for everybody. I'm not saying that there is only ONE person, but I think that when the time is right, you will find someone that is just right for you. So you might miss an opportunity, but another one will come along.
Being alone for some time is important. It helps you find who you are and in my opinion that is something you ought to know to find someone who loves you and who you can love.
I was very heartbroken at a time, and I kept looking for someone to fill the whole that that person left in my heart. That was definitely not a success. After a while, I gave myself some time, enjoyed being alone and I was very very happy. And then...along came the man that I now live together with and that I intend to spend the rest of my life with.
So what I am saying is: I think that it is important to be alone and that it is possible not to be looking for someone. When the time is right and you are happy and content with yourself, you will find what you are looking for.
Wow, I just wrote a novel. :)
And a BIG thank you for your lovely comment! You have no idea how happy it made me! :)
Dear Sam: I think your friend is crazy. just kidding. But for real, I don't think we should ALWAYS be searching, because I feel like that causes heart breaking over and over and over, there's only so much a person can take. AND, I'm with you on this one, I don't feel like I'm searching. I feel that if you do the things that will make you happy (self love!), then maybe some day you might meet a person to join in those adventures with you. I don't see a need to be "searching" because how do you know what you're "searching" for if you don't know exactly what it is you want? I think being single is a good time to figure out what it is you desire in a partner, and that you shouldn't get into relationships until you know without a doubt you can balance the relationship with personal happiness.
This may not make a lot of sense, but I just wanted to say that I feel like I'm the same as you--"skipping along and doing my thing" :)
I absolutely love you all. Seriously. Thank you SO MUCH for your input. Is it possible to agree with all of you? Because I think I do. I think it's a little bit of a mix between both my friends and my perspective. I love the idea of being pursued, I love the idea of seizing the moment, of having clear eyes and a full heart, I love waiting for the one but also being willing. I think we all just have to find what's best for us. That's why dating is so hard, right!?
Gosh, I can't say thank you enough though for your comments. They literally MAKE MY DAY!!!!! It means so much you guys would take the time to write down your thoughts and opinions. PLEASE come back again everyone. You are all so wonderful in my eyes. And I respect your thoughts more than words can say!
Hi! I just found your blog. I'd have to say that being single, I'm not always searching for the one, but I am open to it. I think more along the terms of when it's supposed to happen, it'll happen.
I would have to agree with you.. I know too many people that have "searched" and just gotten frustrated... Eventually things will fall into place, unless you've shut all your doors - which I'm sure you haven't. Keep an open mind and things will work out for themselves :)
Great post! I stumbled upon your blog from another & i think it's WONDERFUL :) Onto your post though...i do think that your friend is very wise & has some good points. For we don't want to walk through life with our heads down, for we might miss an opportunity or someone great for that matter. It's not that you need to search, but more that you need to be aware!
hey girly! i just thought i'd throw my two sense in...take it for what it's worth haha ♥
i think that you are both right...i think it truly depends on the person you are which ultimately determines how you look at this situation. for me i think i am a little of both...well now i am married so i am neither :) but most of all i do believe if it is meant to be it will be and that is that.
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